| hmm. |
[20 May 2008|04:41pm] |
I'm gonna lock up entries following this, so if you're not a friend, i'm sorry.
So much have happened, and seriously, i'm half contemplating closing this blog, considering the way it started really isn't the best reminder for me right now. But then i need that outlet, and i'm way too lazy to start something new. So i guess the best way is to start with discretion.
It doesn't pay to have too much out in the light these days, anyway.
You know, i'm beginning to be able to sleep, and that is a good sign.
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[17 Oct 2006|01:55am] |
"Then there is only one problem."
"What?"
"How much i'm going to miss her."
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[16 Oct 2006|11:59pm] |
I heard on tv that dreams and ideals can help a person live, even if he has nothing else. But the fineprint is of course that there is an expiry date to the sustainability of those dreams.
When dreams begin to seem like nothing more than castles in the sky, it is probably time to let go and wriggle for air or lay still and die.
I look at so many of my friends working, some hating it, some seriously relishing it and wonder to myself who would i be. I harp on the fact that i'll live off passion, but these days i seem to feel a little more jaded.
Today i did a reality check and wondered, if at age 28 i have nothing to show for except sheer passion would i hate myself for making some of the choices i did.
I found myself having cold feet.
Maybe it was the cool professionalism on the other end of the phone that left me wondering if i was the only one left straddling behind.
If only we can never grow up, if only everyday could be a lazy day by the goan beach, where the only thing to think about was the choice of dinner that awaits.
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| taiwan taiwan |
[12 Oct 2006|02:27am] |
The taiwanese scene of politics is keeping me entertained these days.
Though of course he said that i am not interested in politics, meaning i don't know as much as him, and thus should not comment on it, i've decide that if i think i am entertained and concerned, i am. It's a democratic society and we have our individual agency, or so they say.
In all honesty i do not know the developments of the entire issue, and i do not know the buildup, the hidden undercurrents all that well. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't.
But the point that moved me was the fact that citizens were mobilized, and people actually bothered to give up their comfortable routines for sitting in the streets and strikes that could very well yield limited results.
It moves me simply because in Singapore apathy rules at the end of the day. Maybe it is for the fear of getting into trouble, maybe it is a case of house-training done well, or maybe, the energies have been way too successfully channelled into the race for material.
Reading media law cases and reports about us leave me feeling embarrassed.
How can we, so arguably developed in so many ways be so malnutritioned in others? It's almost like our country can be simply personified into a muscular bloke with seriously nothing up there in his brain.
Sometimes developing too fast and too "well" can have its drawbacks, and i swear i am beginning to see more and more of them.
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| smog/haze |
[10 Oct 2006|08:07pm] |
My friends think that i'm a freak for liking the smell of haze and the fact that it blurs my vision. But i shall risk being termed as a complete nutcase and admit that watching psi levels rise give me an odd sense of excitement.
Maybe the fantasy of gassing people to death hasn't completely left me.
Seriously, i think it won't do that much harm to have less people around. We're so over populated it irks me. Don't you hate it when you have to bloody stand in the line for so long just to get onto 179? Or have people knock into you causing you to bounce off their unflattering filthy bodies AND still hear them go "tsk"?
The government ought to consider this as an option. Not happy with certain publications or individuals? Forget the court case. Do something novel. Send them to sumatra and force them to stay out in the haze all day.
The best thing about this whole deal?
We can still play regional politics and blame another country for "regrettable deaths".
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| finally |
[06 Oct 2006|06:23pm] |
I couldn't stop smiling to myself on my way home.
I've worked hard for it and i know i deserve this.
Boy i'm so excitedddd!
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| of the fabled "reverse anal cowgirl" and juvenile pricks |
[27 Sep 2006|03:59am] |
Finally got to watch forbidden city today with the fellow jc mates from the evil fucked 5 institute that should not be named.
Was good, some parts exceeding my expectations, though i was periodically irritated during the musical by bloody juvenile pricks who were either just intellectually disabled or simply lacking in all semblances of public etiquette.
Seriously, the esplanade management ought to do something about these kids who intefere with the flow of the performances by unrelated stupid small talk, mindless whispers and laughters at completely inappropriate timings.
I feel i should be less critical and adopt a sympathetic stand, especially when these kids are likely to be the ones to fail their exams since they can't bloody even differentiate a play from a musical, and are probably the ones conned into spending their money voting for "idols" that seriously won't make it big beyond singing at some pub-lounge or fronting a 7-eleven campaign. And since none of the kids looked even vaguely close to decent, they definitely won't even manage a livelihood off smouldering good looks.
But still. Patience goes only this far.
Sometimes you trouble your mind thinking if these people were born stupid or if they weren't given the opportunity to shine and to learn. But when you see these obviously non-underprivileged pricks on the streets wasting the resources of our already very populated world, you can't help but sigh out loud and hope to send them marching into concentration camps, terminated once and for all.
Yes, i know i am going straight to hell for being this evil, but at least i know of a future lawyer who seriously wanted to "physically hurt them" after the musical. That's quite a match if you ask me.
See, the kind of friends i have.
This brings me to my point about my amazement at the reverse anal cowgirl story and my deep excitement for our next drinking session, packed with kiwi drinking games,definitely.
There's just too much i want to know.
Oh and girls, ice cold beer and wings were great, by the way.
Except the teacher ought to return to her old fun self and stop playing the responsible role, and the financial planner ought to know exactly where the "in-nest" place she plans to go is. And i probably have to learn to direct the lawyers to my place without relying on a street directory.
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| bye bye ice cube |
[26 Sep 2006|03:21am] |
I'll miss this babe soooo much.
Now with you gone, what will we do for christmas 2006?
And who's gonna play kiss with me at clubs?
And and who's gonna laugh at my partner with me?
And and and who will i share my evil jokes and nicknames with?
And and and and who's gonna dispense practical advise about the big bad world?
Boo.
We'll only forgive you for leaving if you bring back cute english boys as souveniers for us.
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| look see. |
[26 Sep 2006|02:25am] |
because someone asked me to do it and because it serves as pretty good time pass for shopaholics and fashion whores even if you don't wanna spend a single penny.
hahaha. penny. work. this girl.
god, the wonders of coincidence never fails to amaze me.
So here goes, visit:
http://myvelvetcloset.livejournal.com
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| rage. |
[26 Sep 2006|12:33am] |
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Sometimes i think i scare even myself with how cruel and insensitive i can be, especially with those dearest to me.
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| 25 years |
[03 Sep 2006|02:09pm] |
It's my parents' 25th wedding anniversary in 2 days.
Kind of scary if you ask me, to be together with someone for 25 long years. It's longer than my entire life history!
I remember my dad telling me how much he owes all he has today to my mum, that the only one right thing he did was probably to marry her (which explains why the greatest gem was born).
It's a weird feeling when i try to contemplate their relationship.
The childish old couple who've been through so much together. Sometimes i wonder if i were in her shoes,would i have sustained such a long run? And if i were in his, would i have put up with those weird arse idiosyncrasies?
But anyhow, the self-proclaimed romantic old man has instructed me to book a surprise holiday trip (which he himself happily let slip) and flowers to be delivered.
I guess that's bliss then, that despite of what you have or have not, your significant other bothers sending you flowers at your workplace after 25 years.
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| Thanks. |
[03 Sep 2006|04:17am] |
I wonder if you'll ever realize how very important you are, how in so many ways you have become my strength and the sole reason for me to swallow the misgivings and brace that smile.
Because each time i think i'm falling, i see you all ready to catch me and give me a lift up again.
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[02 Sep 2006|03:49am] |
Somehow retrospect is too often laced with regret.
I hate the way life plays out in ironies. I fucking hate it.
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| zombie |
[29 Aug 2006|10:28am] |
"We are just going through the momentum and pretending that we are attending school when actually we have probably never existed in that shell we bring to school"
ARGH. 1 month and i am still in holiday mood.
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| just |
[26 Aug 2006|12:20pm] |
On the most random of unconnected thoughts.
Sometimes i don't know if i am too uptight or they are too frivolous.
Does being unable to plastic-smile my way through life make me socially inept?
At the end of the day those that are dearest are those that stick with you.
Don't expect and you won't end up disappointed.
There's no one more reliable than yourself.
There just are some days you feel like a total water sign.
It's not about cynicism, it's about being less naive.
Having insufficient rest results in bad gastric in the morning.
I think i will die from stomach problems some day.
Crying is extremely therapeutic and one should try it in the shower.
Little reminders from people that they care can make a whole lot of difference.
Sometimes it might be a good idea to shut off from the world.
I think i am becoming a hermit and an introvert.
Some days i wish i had stayed on in india and never came back.
The line between responsibility and burden is way too thin.
They say they miss being 18. I miss being a baby.
Sometimes simple "non-intelligent,non-elite" people can be the closest one can get to non-motive generated friendships we had in our innocent primary school days.
Hunger and weariness combined makes me very very very grouchy or very very very sad.
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| things im itching to do... |
[21 Aug 2006|01:38am] |
1. Play mahjong. And earn me some pocket money.
2. KTV. Si le dou yao aiiiii.
3. JB roadtrip. FOODDDDD.
4. Geyland supper. MORE FOODDDD.
5. Swim. I want to play with water.
6. Haircut. Shapeless, what more reason do i need.
7. Eat laksa. Someone knows he owes me some.
8. Shop. Except i need money.
9. One rochester. How swaku, but 7 months can be an excuse for a while.
10. Play tour guide and rediscover singapore. Sentosa, night safari, bird park.
So, who's gonna fulfil my itches? Sign up today and get a secret early bird free gift. Haha.
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| sambal sambal |
[20 Aug 2006|03:37am] |
Met up with the cat at clementi for late dinner today.
Sambal kangkong, sambal stingray, slurpee, combined with grouses of how boring life in general is.
It's been so long since i've been to clementi!
The days when i used to shuttle between ntu and nus, the days when i used to get incredibly lazy and refuse to take the bus, the days when i used to be calling up and dabaoing food,the days when shopping at 7eleven for my cup noodles and juice could make me happy.
It's a strange strange feeling, these things that seem so distant and yet so fresh in my mind.
We've really come a long long way, and i'm still trying to contemplate the love-hate theory the cat has devised.
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| of habits and comforts |
[19 Aug 2006|07:25pm] |
A friend told me recently, he sees no future in his relationship but yet is unable to pull the plug.
Because its habit and comfort.
Seriously, how many of us can easily give up company, especially those you are so used to? It'll be just like the sudden sense of loss one feels when returning after an intensive camp. Suddenly everything seems foreign and detached, and your life loses the balance and routine you're used to.
I heard someone describe her friend as being someone who can't live without boyfriends in her life.
Not a very nice thing to say about anyone, much say someone you claim as your best friend.
Motivations for such talk aside, I guess it merely exposes the amount of insecurity a person can have, enough to create what we've innovatively termed as inner resent.
But i think the statement, true or otherwise, reveals the human need to belong. Belonging to your significant other, your friends, your family, or whichever other group.
I guess once in a while we do need the assurance that we are needed, and that our presence or absence does make a difference.
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| crash and burn, baby, burn. |
[17 Aug 2006|09:56pm] |
This past week has been rather unstimulating.
Its just school,home,tv,net,sleep (that too bloody restless sleep thronged with weird arse dreams) and school.
How interactive.
Am currently feeling this strong urge to close my eyes and hibernate for at least 2 days. I need proper dreamless sleep, sleep that leaves me waking up bright eyed rather than looking like i've been fighting secret wars while asleep.
BUT of course i cant.
Because there is supper coming and its chilli crabs.
Because the glutton in me sees it as unforgivable sin to reject (1) food (2) spicy food (3) spicy seafood.
Hence i am fighting this losing battle to keep the lids up.
Also, i can't hibernate for 2 days for the simple reason that there is school tomorrow.
And dental. And project meeting. And Indian dining. And clubbing (ok,this is not too bad)
But generally, you get the gist. I'm tired but denied of rest because somehow activities like clustering all together on the same bloody day and somehow i have a pathetic 5 day week as a final year student and somehow on top of the untouched readings i have rounds of comments on social inequality to make and of course, a stupid essay on the ups and downs of my indian experience.
How totally stimulating.
I'm feeling like a complete grumpy old woman right now, by the way.
Can a public holiday just please come my way?
I need rest, and yes, it's only the second week of school.
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adjourned's journal